The Guide to Bedding the Powerpuff Girls
by Aku Blossom
Summary: A guide written by the esteemed John Q. Rapist on how to go about tackling the greatest of all challenges: The Powerpuff Girls.


**An Unfortunate Serial Rapist's Guide to:**

**The Painful and Deadly Task of Bedding a Powerpuff Girl**

**By John Q. Rapist (1982-2011)**

* * *

Greetings and Salutations, Forceful Acquisitors of Intercourse of the World.

I am the acclaimed John Q. Rapist, Esquire. It has been my greatest achievement to have become the most successful serial rapist in history. Why I've managed to bed even the mightiest of women and leave them a quivering and sobbing mess. There has never been a woman I couldn't rape...until the day I learned of the famous superheroine triplets: The Powerpuff Girls.

Native to Townsville, USA, the Powerpuff Girls are a rapists dream. Powerful, beautiful, famous and above all seemingly untouchable. Yes, it is the dream of any self-respecting rapist to ravage such a creature. I took the liberties of scouring what I believed to be reputable sources of information regarding the Powerpuff Girls prior to taking in this daunting task. Before continuing I'll share this information with you.

**7 Important Notes For The Rapist Seeking to Rape the Powerpuff Girls**

1. The Powerpuff Girls are the most powerful superheroes on the entire planet. At five years old, they completely destroyed their hometown without breaking a sweat (playing a game of Tag no less). They have lifted mountains, outrun the speed of light, and done battle with the devil himself. All at five years old. Logically, they have become more powerful over the last eleven years. **But Do Not Fear**. When cornered, the Powerpuff Girls completely lose their powers and become even more helpless than a normal female.

2. The Powerpuff Girls can fly and run faster than the speed of light. **But when cornered,** they will completely lose these two abilities. In fact, they will be unable to move at all.

3. The Powerpuff Girls have the greatest super strength on the planet. **When cornered; however,** this super strength becomes inverted: They are weaker than a newborn baby.

4. The Powerpuff Girls possess, among other abilities, energy blasts, heat rays, ice bream, sonic screams, the ability to become liquid, the ability to replicate themselves, the ability to combust, and the ability to blow out fires. **All of these powers** will be rendered inert when cornered.

5. Despite their great power, **the standard female grabbing spot** (for those of you who don't know, it's the wrist or upper arm) will render the Powerpuff Girls completely helpless.

6.** The Powerpuff Girls don't taste human**. This was a very interesting note: Blossom tastes like strawberries, Bubbles like cotton-candy, and Buttercup like cinnamon. Bring appropriate condiments. (Warning: Don't try to eat a spoonful of Buttercup, it won't end well).

7. Be very careful. When cornered and crying for help, **The Powerpuff Girls' Worst Enemies will come to their aid!** Make sure you completely gag them before doing the deed.

And there you have it. Seven factual bits of information necessary to successful raping of the Powerpuff Girls. I will end the guide here, and continue after achieving success.

Sincerely,

John Q. Rapist

* * *

Greetings and Salutations, Forceful Acquisitors of Intercourse of the World.

I am the acclaimed John Q. Rapist, Esquire. Upon my previous writings, I explained that my new adventure was to partake in the forbidden fruit known as the Powerpuff Girls. Well after submitting my previous entry, I opted to decide upon which of the girls I would force myself. As it came to be, I came across the sweetest of the three, dear Bubbles. Our evening was like nothing I'd expected, I'll recount it shortly before giving my final words on the subject.

At first, I opted for a more genial approach. I met her after school with a charming smile and friendly voice. We spoke at large over her heroism, my own work in veterinary science, and even the most menial of subjects such as the weather. While it seemed to be successful at first, my offer to treat her to dinner ended in painful rejection.

Contrary to what I'd been lead to believe, Bubbles had yet to even date a boy, let alone a man of my age. This certainly made the prospect of intercourse more difficult. The same, Bubbles was not nearly as naive or "stupid" as previously described. Over the course of our talk I found out that she is a solid B student, and is very active in the citywide environmentalist movement. She could have spoken for hours about Rise Against and going green. She seemed terribly well informed...and honestly the conversation quickly became terribly dull. I bid her adieu and prepared for a more physical approach.

I met her again that night at a rally, supporting the betterment of animal treatment in the local humane society. She was a guest speaker, a very well-written and inspiring speech. She admitted on stage that she had trouble writing it, and the bulk had been written by her sister, Blossom. Very modest as well as being very passionate. It was certainly a moving experience. I decided then and there that I would make her more memorable than the others.

I slipped several drugs into her water, hoping that maybe in unconsciousness I could find the means to restrain her. An hour later and over seventy grams of Rohypnol later and she was still very much awake and active. I realized it would be much more difficult than previously planned.

When she prepared to leave, I followed her, quickly grabbing her by her upper arm. The results were less than stellar, as she promptly spun me around and sent me face first into a brick wall. I regained consciousness several hours later, teeth missing and my nose unrecognizable. I can only thank the Lord that she didn't turn me in.

My final attempt was the most successful. In that I managed to get her to myself and in proper position for the deed. I found her after a battle with a fierce enemy, Bomber or Bloomer, I can't be sure. Needless to say, finding her unconscious was a sign of my lucky day. I took her with me, quickly disrobed her—and I can scarcely describe in writing how beautiful she was—restrained her and proceed to make with the act.

Now here is where I ran into several problems. While unconscious, she still proved...difficult to navigate. Clearly, she'd yet to know a man's touch, and as such she was scarcely ready for a gratuitous member such as my own. While in normal women this proves rarely a problem...my progress was stifled by a facet of her physiology I had forgotten: her super strength.

By this point she was barely conscious, just enough that she could tense up as I prepared to enter her. The slightest tense and I found myself unable to enter her at all. She groaned and wavered on the edge of awareness. She asked me occasionally to stop, but as it procedural, I refused. Still, no amount of lubrication or stimulation would allow me entrance. It was a rather...disheartening problem. I opted to try to coerce my way inside in a more gentle manner, gently rubbing her stomach, whispering encouragement and slipping in subtle lies that her foggy mind couldn't quite work out. Eventually my work paid off and I slid inside.

Therein came the greatest problem...once inside, she snapped back to consciousness, screamed and clenched her legs shut. I felt an earth shattering pain, gentlemen, that I pray no man ever suffer again. She quickly fled, as did I, my masculinity lost forever.

I'm afraid this is where I must draw to a close. I leave you with these parting words, my comrades and associates. Raping a superhero is no easy victory, and scarcely will you find it worth it. Unless you too possess superhuman strength, stamina and power, I would mark it wise to simply perish the thought.

Sincerely,

John Q. Rapist


End file.
